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Thursday, January 3, 2013

A Peace Of Love // Radical Self Loving v. 01

Just the other day, I came across this post about "Don't Dim Your Light To Please Others, Learn To Direct It" and I felt it was the right omp to introduce one of my post topics, Radical Self Loving.


RuPaul has this thing where she says "If you don't love yourself, how the hell you going to love anyone else? Can I get an amen up in here?!" at the end of every RuPaul's Drag Race episode. For me, that speaks everything about loving exactly who you are before you can appreciate everything else in life.

But for others, I can see where they are stuck with loving themselves. In order to "werk" it, learn from this pro on how not to give a fuck what anyone else thinks about you and learn to Please Yourself with these two simple tips in order to give your middle finger to the next person who tells you that they want you to be a "certain person" for them.
This is a scenario that has happened to everyone. One time in your life, there has been that one person to tell you that you hate a lot of stuff, are overly-happy, wayyyyy too bitchy, extremely over-powering, or something in "that" category. When someone has said such things, it is hard not to take the comment to heart.

You know what though, let them say those things about you. If someone doesn't like what YOU are doing, then let them have their moment of self-pity on you. You keep glowing like a magnetic presence and let your radiance shine. There are plenty of people out there who will appreciate your glow and will illuminate your presence into their own. Such glow can give other individual's the confidence that they need in order to succeed in their own life and will give them a reason to be like "hey, I want to scream out whenever I feel like it and not bottle my happiness because others think its 'out-of-the-norm'".

For me, I play the penis game out in public with my man. He also participates in the Pineapple game, the quick "bump-and-grind" (stop being dirty! we are that kind of couple who loves being intimate with one another and will let the other know whenever we need to), and will "play-fight" even though some people have asked us if we're in such an abusive relationship. I promise you!


Whatever it is that you feel necessary to do, just do it already. There is absolutely no reason for you to dim yourself or contract your energy for anyone or any person on the planet. So from this tip, let your freak fly and not give a damn who cares otherwise!

This tip plays off the first one with not giving a crap what anyone thinks when it comes to what you want to do. If you don't like a certain thing, but you feel the need to do so because of it being a new trend and that you can maybe connect with people more, then do not do it. People will see that you are doing it just for the compliments and not because you actually want to do it. They will see right through to the lack of your enthusiasm when it comes to what you "try" to like.

Coming from a Juggalette herself and has been an example of reject by society, learn the simple fact that it is better to learn to love yourself with what
you want to do rather than to have a million friends and feel lonely on the inside because you really do not like what others love. 


I do the things I do by my standards and my standards only. I was only in fifth grade when I first listened to Carnival of Carnage. From there, people heckled me about it and tried to then "mold" me into them. The "so-called" friends that I did have soon realized that they didn't need me anymore because quite frank, its useless to dress a pig that tries to get away at all costs. Although I did not have that many friends in school, I felt content with who I was and what I wanted to be despite what others thought of me.

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Do a favor for me the next time someone tells you that you are way too much of something or tries to mold you into something that you're not. Give them the middle finger for me?

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Home Improvements // v. 01

Fabulosity (n) 1. a state of everything that is fabulous. 2. a quality ascribed 
to that which expresses glamour, style, charisma, power, and heart.


More than two years old (and back when Zak was just a couple of months old), I purchased a book called Fabulosity: What It Is and How To Get It by Kimora Lee Simmons herself. In this empowering book, Kimora - a top model, mother to two daughters and one son, national media presence, and president and creative director of multimillion-dollar Baby Phat company - shares her personal secrets of success and Fabulosity. 

Her book was and will probably always will be the instruction manual to empowering myself in all aspects of my life. Kimora would probably high-five me for listening to her when I kicked my ex-boyfriend to the curb after remaining a negative individual for almost a year and a half. Not only did I seek revenge on him from all the pain and suffering I had to endure, I learned how to unleash my inner and outer Fabulosity. Today, I am in a place where I want to be and I have a supportive fiancé who has let me quit my day job to do something I am most passionate about. Bless him for letting me stay at home while I watch our three year old and create the businesses of my dreams since September of 2012!

Even though I am at that point in my life where I know I can make it while being a stay-at-home mom, I am at that road where I feel stuck. I got the house, a nice car, an amazing support system, the ability to be a full-time entrepreneur and student...but what I am lacking is a creative work-space. This is where I feel stuck and that is where Fabulosity: What It Is and How To Get It comes into play.


#5 No Success Without Effort #9 Build A Powerful Persona 
#13 Strive For Fabulance #15 Live Large, Give Large

With the help of four laws of success out of the given 16 from the book, I want to first be able to transform my bedroom (where I currently work) into a love haven and small nursery (if we get that far this year, anyway!), and to move all of my work stuff into the middle room so I can have my own work space (and hopefully with baby gates!). Building a creative space along with an area that inspires me will help me step into the right direction while giving me that confidence to start my businesses rather than to be like "Ew, my walls are still white!"

At a later date (which is probably once I start getting my act together down here in my "woman-cave", as all the guys in our home call it), I will give you insight on the four laws of success in order for you to follow me while I build the work area and love shack of my dreams.


Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Intimacy & Relationships // Kittie's Love Line v. 01

With over 10 years of dating, relationship and sexual experience, I am starting a new feature called "Kittie's Love Line". For any reason and at any time, you can ask questions that can help, support and assist you in any situation involving sex, love, sexuality and other matters of the heart and/or flesh. I want to offer advice to everyone regardless of sexuality or gender identity, so if you need some advice, encouragement, or a listening ear, send us a message at beautesombreblog@gmail.com. And if for any reason you disagree or have additions to any of the advice given out, you can also use the same e-mail address to do so!

Randomoscity // Resolutions v. 02

Although it really was not a let down, 2012 was not really my year toward self-discovery, innovation and simply finding myself. I spent more time planning than I did on acting. For this year, I want to say that I can do it and that I will be consistent, as well as persistent when it comes to what I do not want to do.

To stay on track, I want to be able to recap on what I did and to update my 2013 Resolutions page each month. That way, I can say that I was consistent with I wanted to do instead of getting off track like I usually do. For starters, I have made a list of 15 Resolutions I want to follow. These include the following
 

If my grandmother saw my style now, she'd be so disappointed. I can hear her now, "Take off those sweats and trade them in for heels. Take care of yourself honey, I didn't teach you style for nothing." She can't be too mad, at least I found an amazing man in sweats with my hair pulled up instead of some one-night stand like I normally picked up while wearing heels and a skirt. So, there

(Nah, my grandmother is amazing, so do not get that twisted)

For this year, I want to start up my wardrobe for both DJ Kittie and Beaute Sombre, which also includes accessories and vanity. At least 50% of the year, I want to be able to say that I rocked purple and black hair, hooker nails and a style that would make Laga Gaga's knees jerk from over-excitement. This does not mean that I will be taking vanity photos of myself at home after every purchase, nail appointment every other week or latest outfit I come across. I want to be able to go out into the world and show off my style, and to gain inspiration while doing it. I'll get into wearing perfume and make-up much more often than just remaining bare, I want to spoil myself, take more bubble baths and showers, and even whiten my teeth. This girl has it all, so why not when it comes to treating herself?

I have always dreamed about being able to work from home and be my own boss. One of the many perks that comes with being a CEO is being able to get as many piercings and tattoos that you want. I mean really, what company policies will you have to live up to if you "can make the dough"?

Well, if this woman can make the dough and become a success while raising several kids, then you best damned believe that she will be modifying her temple. Unlike piercings, the uncoverable tattoos will have to wait until after I get married in 2014. Why you ask? Because that's how I want to roll and if I want to get a rib-cage tattoo or something that can be easily covered up under my wedding dress, then I will do it. I just do not want to start any sleeves and be up at the alter with something unfinished.

Piercings on the other hand, well....let's just say I want a lot of ear piercings and a bunch of time to guage them.

More like just have another baby and only another baby, along with adopting a kitten through C.L.A.W.S. once our taxes roll in. Even though I am in the process of starting up my home-based businesses, I know that once they start rolling.... I'll be making the dough. I have the connections, just not enough courage to start (at least not until now). 

Becoming pregnant with my second child WILL be a lot of work (both during and after), but with the support that I have had since quitting my part-time job at Ross in September 2012, I know it can work. Left and right, and every where I turn, someone is pregnant and it is giving me baby fever. Either its that or the simple fact that every time I go out, I see babies and lots of adorable clothing along with furniture and toys.

Let's not forget Monkey, my little three (almost 4 year old) who is about to go into school. This February, I will be enrolling him into Pre-K so he will be able to start in August or September. With him in school, it will be easy for me to adjust as well as to have a baby at home so it will make it less hard on me for missing the part of taking care of him all the time.

 
So, in the fall of this year, I will be graduating from University of Phoenix with a Bachelor's Degree in Retail Management. Hopefully by the time I graduate, I will be able to walk. Its been a question of mine to do so, but ever since my mother said that she would really like to see me walk alongside my sister (and maybe other family members), I felt as though I should do so.

But before I can walk in the University of Phoenix graduation ceremony, I must make sure that I can get into a Fashion School of the like (preferably Academy Of Art online) so I can start as soon as I graduate with my BA and graduate by the time 2017 rolls around with a BA in Fashion Design.

As you may or may not know, my fiancé is a rapper and has been apart of a rap group for several years with his best friend of over 10 years, JDBundy. While this may seem like an easy task, it will only include helping them with photography, web design, and getting them started so they start having shows. This may just be our year to get them a big name!

I get the idea of fixing up a starter home, but really? Every week there is something new that is wrong with this house and it seems to never end. At least the good side to it, is that we are renting it and whatever happens, the land-lord has to fix it. Aside from making sure all tiny renovations are covered, we would like to start decorating this home since we feel we may be here for a few more years.

For starters, at least for this year anyway, I would love to start building my craft area in the middle room downstairs and to get our bedroom set up before working on any other part of the house. If I am down here most of the time, I need a creative space and right now, the white walls are lacking.


Not to mention, my butt needs to get into gear on becoming more OCD with cleaning because I've neglected that on my part for a while.

David and I have talked about getting married at least for a year and we feel that it is only right to get married next year if we are planning on having a baby. While our wedding is only less than a year and seven months away (hello August 2014!), I do feel the need to make sure that I start on our wedding right away because we will be needing all the time and money we can get for all necessary preparations. So for this year, I would like to start on wedding projects both offline and online (through this blog anyway).

Its also necessary that I get an engagement ring, but honey that will not include diamonds. My ring will be custom made by DesignMasters, an etsy shop that specializes in customized bridal jewelry. I've never been so heart-strung over a ring as much as I have for this one. While only $1250, it does not mean that David will be paying for most of it through a four month payment plan. Getting married is about combining your life, finances and what have you, so why not share the expense of a ring that can "symbolize our love". Our real love will be symbolized by becoming more closer and to love one another while we go through our trials and tribulations.

Aside from wedding preparations and paying for an engagement ring, I want to make sure that before my three-year old son has a name change before he goes to school. It won't be of good use to let your kid go into school with a different last name than your parents. That's like asking for my kid to get picked on and that will not happen.


Its been several years since I have been to a concert and the last performing artist I saw was Twiztid back in 2010, approximately two months before I started talking to David. I am a concert person and missing out on concerts for two years has been a drag. For 2013, I want to see at least 5 concerts this year and this can include my man performing with his best friend through Sin7ul.

At the very least, I want to see Twiztid and Blaze Ya Dead Homie in concert. If I can see them perform with David, that would MAKE MY YEAR!

This one is pretty well self-explanatory. What you didn't know, is that I want to make one for my mother of me since I was a baby, of David and I, and growing with our kids.

Once again, self-explanatory. If I can at least pay off some school debt and pay back most of what I owe my parents, as well as to save at least $1000 in the bank, I will say that 2013 was really good to us financially.

2012 was the worst when it came down to sticking to a schedule and so for 2013, I want to make sure that I can do the following every day, all year: pamper myself, exercise and follow a diet (if I have a baby, it will be treadmill, yoga and weights for 2 hours a day once I get the treadmill in February, and all other times will be Bod Bot! while weighing myself every Wednesday starting in February), practice Buddhism, Hinduism and French, and keep up with work, school (I want to try to get A's all this year, both in UOP and AOA) and chores.

Did I ever mention how many businesses I want to start? For starters, its this blog, graphic and web design, Hatchet Threads, Paws With Claws, and Wicked Minx Dreadfalls. This momma really wants to make the dough!

For me, it would be a success if I could do the following for all five of my businesses:  to start a yearly scrapbook, to get a business loan, to make a book of all information for each job, to get businesses cards, to have official websites, and to be consistent with my social media. Aside from my blog, I want to successfully start selling the merchandise that follows.

There are also individual goals for each business, which includes the following:
  • BLOG: to be consistent with posting and to gain at least 200 followers.
  • GRAPHIC & WEB DESIGN: to start my portfolio and to successfully finish ten purchases
  • HATCHET THREADS: extend the line and successfully finish 10 purchases.
  • PAWS WITH C.L.A.W.S.:  to have at participate with one booth, have over 100 sales, raise over $1,000 for charity, and exhibit at a trade show and flea market.
  • WICKED MINX DREADFALLS: successfully finish 50 sales and to promote successfully with my team of promoters.
And last, but certainly not least, by the end of the year I want to start selling my clothing through Storenvy, try to keep a steady schedule one week in advance, and to collaborate with my friend Jordan through Seacret.

While it may link to my first goal of being more feminine, I want to make more conscious efforts towards loosing weight and sticking to a healthy diet. For this year, I want to loose at least 40 pounds and the way I can get there is to challenge myself (whether it is rock climbing, 3k marathon or something of the like), getting a swim membership (which would be awesome since my son LOVES to swim and we could take him year round!), and to work out at least five times a week.

As far as nutrition goes, I want to try to limit my junk food intake, take Alive! multi-vitamins, drink more fruit smoothies and to become more strict with my pesco-vegetarian diet (this means to limit my intake of steaks and chicken unless it is vegan friendly or organic). With the combination of both working out and eating healthier, I'll not only look good...but my self-esteem will be boosted ten-fold. Now what lady doesn't want that in her life?!



Since my self-esteem will be boosted through a healthy diet and exercise, do you think I will be in front of the camera more? You best damned right I will be. If I can at least be in front of the camera 50 times, I will say that I accomplished something toward modeling in the near future. With my self-esteem boost, I will want to have at least over 150 photos of David and I (especially since we've only made about 20 since we got together in 2011 and that's sad in my book!). There should be at least over 2000 photos for my Colorado Sunrise 2013 folder and I want to partake in the photo an hour per month for 12 months.

Last and certainly not least, I want to be able to do two simple things (which may cost more than the measure of how simple it is). I want to be able to go to Ross and to meet up with everyone I used to work with, as well as to let Theron (the Assistant Manager) know the exact reason why I left, that I am making it, we have the car fixed (it was our inside joke), and that I will be visiting more often.

Secondly, I want to be able to visit my family at least twice this year and to have David meet everyone (hopefully in both trips). My mom and I already agreed to let me and Zak stay for three weeks (if the pricing allows us to!) in May. Although she said she'd pay for the tickets, I told her I want to be able to help. The next time we go there it will either be after Zak's birthday or around Christmas, depending on when I walk for University of Phoenix.


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In hopes of reaching all 15 resolutions, I know that I have to be consistent and to document all resolutions per month. Hopefully by the end of the year, I can say that I met my goals at least 75% of the way or more by recaping each month through this page.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Randomoscity // v. 01


I learned how to raise my voice in anger
Yeah, but look at my face, ain't this a smile?
I'm happy when life's good and when it's bad I cry
I've got values but I don't know how or why

With this four month trip to North Carolina in hopes to relieve my son of his suppressor (the guy, my ex-boyfriend, that stole him from my parents after my mom got off her plane and then proceeded to physically and mentally abuse him in hopes of framing me so he could gain full custody), I realized who exactly I needed to hold dear and those who needed to stay away in order for my son and I to remain happy because life was beginning to get that good from the day I met David. This entire time, my heart was set on Colorado and in the end, he came back with me to live in peace and harmony.
 
Just how we needed it to make Zak's life complete.

Update 12-09-12: In case you are wondering, we won full custody of Zak and he has not seen his suppressor since early November 2011.

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