Just two psychos in love

It all started from my ex-boyfriend's dating site for the Wicked and the controversy he decided to bring upon Zak and I. After two years, I had enough of his verbal, physical and sexual abuse and wanted to leave him on December 3rd, 2010. Although he was already with the girl he is with today (or maybe not, who knows?!), he thought I was a whore for leaving him and talking to guys (as if he didn't do it during our entire relationship and then blamed me for talking to guys when I never did). Screw that, it was the right time to make myself happy and I decided to talk to guys that evening while he was out with “Caz”. 

After telling my mother everything through Facebook and while I was trying to hit up guys through his dating site (to try to ease my pain with someone to talk to), I started to feel extremely emotional about the whole thing and the things he had told me to try to pull my self-esteem down. All I wanted to do was to feel happy and he was just there to screw it all up. At the time, I already had a pill-popping problem since I was nine years old and tried to hide it from everyone, including my family and friends. 

The first person that knew about it, was a reclusive and anti-social guy by the name of David Northrop, one of the few guys I tried talking to. At first, he tried to avoid talking to anyone at all costs because he felt that most girls on that website were whores. I told him I was not like that and explained to him about my story, that I had a problem and just needed someone to talk to. I even started to explain to him about my pill-popping addiction and thought I had took one too many pills that night. From there, he started to listen and did not push me away as when I first tried talking to him. David told me that I didn't deserve such abuse and that if I were with someone like him, he would make all my troubles go away and he would make sure that I always had someone who would listen to my problems instead of resorting to destructing my body. While he was concerned about my health at the time, he really could not do anything about it since he was exactly 1,787 miles away from me in a little town called Palisade, Colorado.

Even though we had an extreme distance between us, it did not stop us from growing an attraction to one another, calling one another pet names (sugah bear for him and baby-doll for me). He was there for me during the most rough three months of my life in North Carolina. He remained there for me whenever I had to stay two days in jail when I defended myself and my stuff when I tried to move from our home in King, NC to my parents house, for all the court battles I had to go through, and the fighting I did to ensure that Zak had a better home and no ties once we moved from North Carolina.

David was even there for me (via phone and Yahoo Messenger) whenever I had to have gall bladder removal surgery at High Point Regional Hospital. That night after I had surgery, he had called me through my mother's cell phone like he said he would and even though I was in pain, I tried to play it off as if it did not bother me. But David knew something was wrong and rushed home from work just to ask me again if I was sure I was feeling okay, as if he felt all the pain I was going through. He told me he had a really bad feeling at work that day and not because of his own pain, but through mine. From there, I bursted in tears and begin to explain that the nurses there were treating me awful because I raised hell from the amount of pain I was in since waking up from surgery and that they would not fix the IV in my arm. I told him that I pulled out my IV causing my arm to bleed and that I tried calling the nurses to come and put the IV in the correct spot in my arm for me to get some pain relief through the morphine drip, but it seemed as though they did not want to deal with me. 

I begin to explain to him that I needed someone to call and I tried getting my mom to deal with them so I could have some pain relief, but she did not want to and blamed it on how I acted. He asked me if I wanted him to call them up and even insisted that he would do it even after I told him he didn't have to. I looked up the number and gave it to him before he rounded up a bunch of change to call them from a pay-phone down the road where he lived. About 20 minutes later, the nurses came in all pissed off looking and from there I knew that David said some really nasty things that the nurses really needed to hear. After about five minutes of having an IV in my arm from the second placement, I told David that I needed to go since I was about to just drift into a deep sleep. We said our goodbyes and I was pretty much out of it until mid-day the next day. I felt that good.

Fast forward to March 1st after all the phone and Yahoo conversations of talking about moving to Colorado when his mother, Billie Jo. The day before, Billie drove to our home with the Penske truck ready to load everything of mine the next morning. That was the plan, for us both to move all the way to Colorado to be with David and his father Wilson. That morning, all five of us (my mother, Billie, my sister Meghan, Zak and I) had a long-drawn out breakfast over at IHOP before loading up everything of ours in the truck.

The more that we had drove toward Colorado, the more my heart would race and then fill with butterflies. While a twelve-hour drive each day for three days may have sounded boring, it was more of a pleasure to view all the states and the many surroundings it brung while texting with David off and on through Yahoo Messenger and listening to music I used to listen to when I was a teenager. The last day of driving seemed so surreal and I thought it was was never going to happen until we reached Denver, Colorado. After changing Zak's diaper and putting my makeup on in a quaint, yet feature-film-ready gas station, I never realized the night that would change our lives forever. Or the fact that I would have to go through the most scariest drive of my life (let's just say that I crashed, 360'd in the snow several times, lost Billie and got lost during the entire night before coming upon the largest mountains I had ever seen with a 3000+ drop below us and powering through S Club 7 “don't stop, never give up, hold your hand high and reach the top” for three hours straight) just to meet the man of my dreams. 

Reaching the little town of Palisade in Colorado made me realize what I was about to face and it made me somewhat anxious and nervous at the same time. What if he acted totally different than what he seemed through all of our Yahoo messages and phone conversations? That was my biggest worry and to be quite frank, I did not want to turn back to live in North Carolina again. I wanted this to work, I wanted us to work and for Zak to finally find a father figure that would take care of him just as much I would be able to find a man to take care of me, to live in such a beautiful surrounding and to have more inspiration than I could ever possibly dream of. I kept looking at his house and his vintage GM Chevy truck while trying to hold myself together and to try to text him that “I am finally here” so he could come out to meet both Zak and I. It took a total of about 5 or so minutes to finally tell him and I quickly turned my CD player over from S Club 7 to Powerman 5000 just so he could think I was trying to be all “hardcore” about the situation than some kid-boppy teenager who was so nervous like it was her first date or something after going through the sheer moment of almost crashing off the side of a mountain.

I ended up getting out of the car and walked around to the side Zak was in just to wait on David. Once I saw him walking towards us in the car, I opened up Zak's door and got him out while David patiently waited on us and ended up picking up his diaper bag so we could head inside his house. Before we start to walk toward the house, he spun me and Zak into his arms and gave us the longest hug I have ever received in my life (and I'm sure it only lasted about five minutes). I dug my head into his chest and could suddenly feel his warmth, the gentle presence that remains to this day.

From there, we drove over to the Motel 6 (in which we all stayed in a one bedroom hotel room for a month – David, Zak, Billie, Wilson and I with Billie's dog Jewels and her birds). Although it was only us in one room with Zak and Billie in another for one night, David and I made sure that our first night was extremely memorable. David walked up the stairs with Zak's diaper bag in one hand and Zak in the other (which I found extremely hot at the time and probably always will!) to our room for the night. After David helped me with changing Zak and getting him ready for bed, we walked Zak over to Billie's room where we had her watch him while we went out to Palisade park.

During the 30 minute ride, I rested my entire body on the seat and all I could think was that I made the right choice by bringing Zak out to Colorado to meet the man of my dreams and for him to finally have a father figure in his life. It was the most relaxing night of my life, just sitting there feeling the presence of the guy that will make sure we would always be happy, to be there when we are hurt or sick, and to be there to make as many positive memories as possible. I had a few tears leave my eyes in joy of finally being able to be where I always wanted to be. That night, after being held close while we kissed for what seemed (and probably was) an hour straight, made me realize that my life would change and that I could start to heal from my pill-popping addiction and to finally see happy changes in my life. From there, a piggy-back ride back to the car had changed my views on men forever and at that moment, I knew I was home. We were home.